After the phone call
by I'm.Forbidden.Fruit
Summary: Through Edwards Eyes when he first hears of Bella's death in New Moon. Now Complete.
1. Love, Life, Existence, Over

_Hey I've never done the whole fan fiction thing before, but hopefully what I've created has passed the proverbial test. –What I've wrote is a continuation from Stephenie Meyers own creation of Edwards perspective. "Rosalie's News." _

_**Disclaimer**: Please don't judge me too harshly; I don't claim to be on the same level as Stephenie Meyer. I don't own twilight. _

**Love, Life Existence Over.**

EPOV

I shut the phone.

Love, life, existence over.

I had nothing left to hold, to love, to feel, to breathe, to be…

I barely realized that my phone was crushed in my hand that the snarl of fury, —of pain had erupted from me.

I felt numb, there was nothing left, the pain was sickening, worse then my rebirth, worse then the look of intense pain on Bella's face when I told her that I didn't want her—that I didn't love her. I thought there was nothing worse then that —but I was terribly mistaken.

I couldn't think, couldn't breathe, my actions were running away before I could catch up with my thoughts, it didn't matter. Nothing mattered.

I erupted from the small dwelling, flying past the four stories of families without notice. —Until I shattered through the front door, the old wood cracking and splitting unable to resist my granite bodies force. Then the blinding sun mixed with the debris and dust of the air swirled around me.

I was barely aware of the people around me, obviously surprised at my sudden dramatic appearance, and how my skin reflected the sun and threw rainbows in their direction. I took in some of their faces, their expressions mystified squinting at me because of the bright light. Horrified.

I barely had time to register my surroundings before I was running, running so hard, trying to run from the pain from the guilt from the complete anguish.

I saw her. Her eyes filled with tears, her eyelashes danced with tiny diamonds that clung to them. They spilled over her pale cheeks as she tried to comprehend what I said to her.

"Goodbye, Bella."

"Wait!" she barely manages to get out, reaching for me helplessly.

God how I wanted to reach for her and tell her I'm so sorry, hating that I caused her pain.

I thought she would forget me. _Bella…threw herself off a cliff _I cringed from the words, hating myself.

I was vaguely aware that I arrived— From San Antonio to Houston, — in record time. I slowly entered the International Airport, the suns beams didn't bounce off of me, I turned back looking at the sky realizing it was twilight…

Bella's warm hands using all their force, pressed against the skin of my face pulled me out of my reverie and brought back my lost thoughts.

Her small delicate hands held my face close, her deep brown eyes burning with passion, boring into mine.

"You must never, never, never think of anything like that again! No matter what might ever happen to me, you are not allowed to hurt yourself!"

Her voice was so clear; I could even taste her scent on the back of my tongue. And tried desperately to keep her in my arms before the warmth left my face, her eyes blur and her voice melt back into the buzz of the crowded airport.

I tried frantically to remember her warmth, her scent, her eyes, the curve of her lips, the brush of her hair, the colour of her skin. My mind came up blank and all I could feel was the mounting pain, I was no longer numb.

I didn't heed my own subconscious trying to remind me of Bella's plead.

I felt my pockets; the dry material was filthy, and almost crumbled in my grasp. But I came up with what I was looking for, and clutched my wallet which held my passport.

_Wow that guy smells disgusting. Hasn't he heard of soap or a magical thing called a shower. Jeeze its common courtesy._

I locked eyes with a girl, about 16.

Her thoughts revolted, and she turned away quickly, her mind fluttering in a panic.

A scowl twisted my face as I stealthily walked up to the line leading to the front counter. I didn't miss the glances that people gave me. Seeing myself reflected in all their anxious thoughts. I looked like a vampire. The rings around my eyes were never this black; they almost matched the depth of the coal in my eyes that showed my thirst. My face was unrecognizable. I didn't care, even as they all cringed away from me.

All thoughts seemed to be centered on me, as I finally approached the front counter. The middle-aged women's bored plain eyes glanced at me as I approached her counter. They widened significantly as they took in my demeanor, and appearance.

"Hi there welcome to George Bush Intercontinental Airport."

My scowled deepened as I dropped my visa and passport and sternly growled "Two to Rome, first-class."

Her thick eyebrows rose.

_Excuse me! No need for the attitude. _

I leaned close to her my black eyes frightening her internally.

"No, there's definitely a need for the attitude."

Her eyes widened even more, but I blocked out the outrage of inane chatter. And concentrated on anything but the throbbing in my insides, the most real pain I've ever experienced.

The women's eyes shrunk and she glared at me through the small openings her eyelids allowed.

"Enjoy your flight." She said icily

I warped my scowl up into a twisted smile (that frightened her more then the darkness of my eyes.) "Thank you." I said curtly.

I barely remembered passing through security, or waiting to board.

I entered the plane in the line of humans; the buzzing around me never annoyed me so much. The plane took off.

"Can I get you anything?" asked a flight attendant through her smile.

Her smile quivered as I met her bright earnest gaze.

"No nothing at all, and _please _don't ask me again." I answered her briskly.

_Whoah, someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed!_

"Of course" she answered timidly

I rolled my eyes. And closed them pinching the bridge of my nose, and contemplated the ways to spend the endless time until I reached my goal that lay within Volterra.

I now could perceive why humans thought flying a very ghastly experience. I settled in my seat and tried to remember…

Nothing.

I could barely make out her face and the pain doubled as the realization hit me.

I concentrated on anything else feeling my control waver, and my muscles coil; I'd never be able to wait out a minute let alone an hour.

I contemplated the Volturi, my body relaxed immediately and I took comfort from knowing that the pain would soon be gone. And maybe…

No.

I couldn't think about that, I mustn't give myself the most improbable hope, I so much cleaved to. —that maybe I'd see her again.

No.

I made my wandering mind focus even as the pain seared uncomfortably in my throat.

I planned my strategies, thought of different ways to provoke the Volturi. Our loyal family. The plan was so they would give no mercy and kill me, simple enough. They were friends of Carlisle, and I didn't want to bring him any harm. The Volturi had special talents, I remember Carlisle telling me the stories —there was a new sting, over the already existing pain; the pain of hurting my family.

What would Esme do? What would they say? My mind shied away from the thoughts that erupted from me, the pain I would inevitably cause them. They must understand! I thought of Alice, she may already have told them all, would they try to stop me? My head spun at the realization that they most definitely would. I can't waste any time.

I have to prepare for every improbable circumstance. —I would ask them. The Voturi may simply take pity on me, and consent and take my anguish away. But what if they refuse? They might not do it out of loyalty to Carlisle. My stomach clenched.

Damn Carlisle then. I would have to do whatever necessary. I'll trash the town and bring the beams of the city down, and expose myself; I'll go through the city and kill whoever in my sight …

My mind suddenly conjured up Carlisle face, and knew immediately that I could never take the life of an innocent. Just out of loyalty to my father, if nothing else.

"You…don't…want me?" Bella said in monotone.

"No" I answered

"No!" I said the pained quenched in my throat, as I involuntarily jumped from my seat.

I glanced over into the eyes of the few startled passengers.

I slowly settled back in my seat and buried my head in my hands, resting it on my knees and focused on my breathing. "I'm sorry Bella." I whispered.

We finally landed in Rome and I took the next flight out to Florence.

My goal was just barely in my grasp.

Then I reached Florence.

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_Please leave a comment of any constructive criticism or thoughts. Thanks. _


	2. Florence

**_Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or ant of the characters. _**

**Florence**

The sun barely had a chance to summon rainbows off my skin, as it set behind the hilly landscape. I ran through the glass door of the airport, and bolted towards Volterra. The run was quick. I arrived, and scaled the ancient sienna walls easily, and lithely landed on the other side, then headed determinedly to reach the heart of the city.

I barely had a chance to take another step, before a cold stone hand clasped my shoulder.

_Is this what's causing all the trouble?_

I let the guard spin me easily and was faced with his deep red eyes and sarcastic smirk, his hood was up, it didn't hide his bulky disposition, and massive size that obviously framed a wide birth of muscles; all intent on squeezing my shoulder. I immediately disliked him.

"Edward Cullen?" his tone was deep and full of humor.

It was obviously a rhetorical question. I chose to answer it anyway; and gave a quick nod, shrugging off his steel grasp on my shoulder.

"Expecting me." I answered. My voice sounded cracked and parched, like a human after they've been crying for an immeasurable amount of time, it didn't surprise me.

He raised his eyebrows, "Most definitely."

He was joined by another vampire this one had long black hair his cloak was down and he flashed his teeth in a civil smile as he said.

"We have been expecting you for sometime, Edward, please allow me to introduce myself—"

"I'm sorry, and I don't mean to be rude, but can we drop the polite pretenses Demetri." I responded dryly

A look of shock distorted his face before he had a chance to catch it and hide back into his concealing polite mask.

_What? This one has talents?_

I twisted my face into a polite smile. As I addressed the question that was asked in Felix, (the first guards) head.

"If by talents, you mean the ability to read you're every thought…then yes."

I was over exaggerating, but getting impatient and the effect had an immediate response. My body shuddered as the pain burned my insides.

They didn't notice but abruptly turned and started leading me to the Volturi.

_I bet he's lying… he can't hear what I'm thinking right now._

Demetri turned and threw me an unbelieving look.

I smiled dryly back. And increased my pace.

_What's the hurry buddy?_

I scowled at Felix, who was uncomfortably close by my side.

We walked through the sleeping town and didn't cross anyone. We were in the darkest alleys; I squinted up at the towering walls, following the cracked lines up into the sky that connected at the top with the opposite wall. They leaned together, creating a thin long line that cut across the black sky.

The pain became a dull throb in my mind.

I could now picture her, her long brown hair whipping her face as she crossed the path that lead up to the jagged cliff. Without any hesitation as she walk's from the vast beginning to the slight end with nothing in front of her but oblivion. She stopped just at the end. Her face was unrecognizable. Her lips chapped her skin white and clammy, her eyes with rings of dark purple and invading blue. The protruding cliff seamed to connect her feet like a slipping weak magnet. Her feet seamed to dance and tease the slippery cliffs end. Her eyes were closed but her mouth was set in a twisted scowl that I couldn't recognize. Her eyes opened, the colour was bright, emerald red that was more disturbing then the cliffs never ending fall. She spoke softly.

"Don't." the word was to familiar the notes something that I've heard before.

"Don't do this."

I answered her the same way I answered her the first time she pleaded with me. I didn't have any choice.

"You're not good for me, Bella."

And then she jumped, the nothingness seamed to swallow her up, nothing left.

I tried pointlessly to follow, but as soon as I reached the teetering edge. A mile long wall burst from the ground and barred me from the border. I followed it but it grew in a circle forever banning me from where she rest.

"Down here, psychic." Felix scowled pointing down at a small black hole that represented my existence.

Without indecision I jumped down into the narrow hole and landed, beside Demetri, Felix appeared beside me. They directed me to the path that lay ahead of me.

We ran this time I kept with their pace, between them. We reached the end.

A frame of iron bars thick with rust, we passed though it quickly without a pause. And then moved onto a small door, it was opened invitingly and we entered a room. The light was fainter; Felix locked the door behind me and glanced quickly at me.

_Locked inn._

He was trying to make me feel uneasy; a wide smile lit my face, I took great pleasure in never leaving this place again. We entered through a low wooden door, it smelled rotten but it stood firm, then entered a grey boring lighted hallway. We quickly strode through the carpets the fluorescent lights burned my eyes. Then proceeded to the elevator that waited, my goal was so close I could smell it, I allowed a smile to creep back onto my lips as the elevator closed shut behind us.

* * *

_See the square little buton that says "GO" CLICK IT!_


	3. Elevator

The light on the elevator looked very dull as Felix hit 4 and the elevator began its climb. Demetri then turned to face me; his skin was muted yellow with paleness overlapping the human olive tone. Felix followed his lead and faced me, towering over me allowing his features to twist into a pretense of humor; but something leaked through his mask, impatience and hatred. Then the floor jumped sending a spark of sensation through my body, and the door opened and a gush of stale roses twisted in my nose. The door revealed an aristocratic reception, the walls lined in a deep mahogany.

They didn't move as the elevator opened and then closed impatiently. Then they shifted and closed the space between them and succeeded in trapping me between them and the exit.

"We know why you're here Edward. And it will never happen." Felix sneered.

_You will never be one of the guard._ Demetri speculated.

I rolled my eyes sarcastically.

"I can assure you both, that if I wanted to be a so-called guard that I would be…" I scoffed. "But lucky for you both, I'm here on another matter." By the end of my speech my voice sounded tired, and weakness creeped into my words showing plainly my impatience and annoyance.

Felix let his face change to open surprise. But Demetri didn't look convinced.

"Then why are you here!" he barked leaving my head pound and the elevator shake. "It's not like you dropped in for a drink…"

_Oh wait… we don't even hold your preferred flavor… revolting… you must be so weak… starving yourself from your natural food source. _

My impatience was building and my anger penetrated every word I uttered. "That…" I whispered closing the gap between Demetri and me, and leered up into his shocked face. "Is none of you business."

Felix thrust a stone hand on my chest, (enjoying being able to display his only talent.) he smiled wickedly as he knocked my breath away, and I stumbled unwillingly backwards. I managed to hold my ground.

"Pathetic and weak." Demetri gushed openly.

I just glowered at them until they gave-up showing their display of masculinity. Ignoring their childish scoffs that hissed inside their heads, trying to provoke me. Felix easily wanted to start a fight, but I just stood there in the buzzing silence as their thoughts swirled around and taunted me. My muscles coiled and my fists clenched as the aching pain pulled at my thoughts.

I pushed passed them and opened the door, with the tips of my fingers. Felix caught my shoulder as I stepped into the bulky forest-green carpet.

"Were not done." He said satisfyingly, believing that his taunts actually affected me.

I looked back at him my head turning and my body following obediently. He dropped his hand, as I faced him.

He was taken aback from the blackness in my eyes, and hatred showing in my face.

"Yes we are" I whispered, afraid that my voice might break from the pain.

He glared at me as I turned and walked swiftly into the room. The pungent pouperrie was coming from tall vases that decorated the room. The walls held bright Tuscan canvases. The room was uncomfortably heated which made the sick smell of roses linger in the air. Leather couches squished together in corners of the room sinking into the carpet. I strode up to a fake-wooden counter with a human sitting behind it. She stood immediately when she saw me enter, with Felix, and Demetri trailing behind.

Her mind quivered, not out of fear from three vampires advancing on her, but because she thought that Felix was so handsome. Which was ironic, because Felix had completely different views revolving around her, particularly her neck.

Demetri placed his hand firmly on my shoulder stopping me momentarily. "Gianna, Edward _will _stay here until Felix and I return." He was speaking directly to me and didn't even spare the receptionist a glance as he strode from the room and disappeared from sight with Felix in tow.

Gianna gave me a bright smile and asked, "Is there anything I can get you?"

I gave her a deviant smile and said "I wouldn't mind a drink…" I raised my eyebrows suggestively. And she laughed uneasily. In fact I couldn't remember the last time I hunted, it held no consequence though. Her blood smelled just as appealing as the repulsive roses.

I waited standing in the same position, keeping my thoughts safe and away from Bella. I cringed when I thought her name and the pain seared uncomfortably. Gianna's thoughts were tedious and predictably boring. She was unsuccessfully trying to ignore me, wishing I'd wait not so close to her proximity. She surprised me when her thoughts became desperate as she thought of her dream to become powerful and beautiful. She wished to be a vampire. I didn't feel sorry for her inevitable death it was entirely what was to be expected and completely repulsive how this stupid human so longed to be an inhumane killing monster.

This time I couldn't control my gasp as I remembered how this ambition so reminded me of Bella. Gianna quickly looked up her eyebrows pulling together and a question on the tip of her tongue, before I raised my hand and said briskly "I'm fine."

I turned my back on her and raised my fingertips to massage my temple. All thought's of conversations with Bella about her desire came rushing to my head. I told myself each time when her face would fall and she'd let pain warp her expression; (trying to guilt me to agree to her plea) that she deserved a normal human life.

It's my fault she's dead; I should have left sooner, before she became so attached… I should have changed her when I had the chance!

No.

I can never regret my decision. Bella still has a soul, I reminded myself. She is somewhere better, she's happy now. And maybe Carlisle is right, maybe if we try our hardest in this cursed life to hold onto our lingering humanity and try to be ethically moral…maybe—I'll see Bella again.

The pain caught in my throat, as I let the impossible hope grab and hold me.

If I just got to see her again for just a minute. To fill my lungs with her scent, to see her smile, to feel her warmth…— I'd do anything for that possibility, I realized that's why I'm here.


	4. The Volturi

_Hey guys I'm sorry I haven't update in a while, I've just been really caught up in my other story (note to self don't start two stories at the same time.)But all the same I haven't forgotten this one. So enjoy. I hope it was worth the wait, I want to see reviews!!!_

_**Disclaimer:**__ I don't own twilight, I can only dream!!_

I looked up at the Volturi and their surrounding entourage, all their disturbing thoughts focused on me. I really didn't care about their observations and predictions for why I'm here; it was just irritating, most of them were thinking that I had an ulterior motive, or that I wanted to be part of the stupid guard. It was all horribly draining and I wanted to end the stupid blabber that buzzed in the complete silence of the room.

I focused on the three strange older vampires that I had immediately recognized from Carlisle's Paintings by Solimena, at home.

"Why don't you just ask me?" I asked dryly, sending all their thoughts in outraged indication. I kept my face empty of emotion. The pain seared as I closed my eyes and Bella blinked back at me, telling me sharply to go home. She was so beautiful her deep, brown, eyes, faded. I snapped my eyes open. Trying not to let the pain give my face away.

They all had exceptional powers but I really didn't care enough to pursue their brains and find the origins and the details. Aro, Caius, and Marcus Volturi, were the leaders, the three of them stood in front of me in what they perceived to be an intimidating stance. It only succeeded in being threatening by the body guards that lined the edges of their arms. But all three were so old that I could definitely take all of them with my eyes closed. —Maybe if I started a fight, they'd kill me faster.

No, I have to think of Carlisle.

Aro's eyes were intense and focused on me, even with a frame of white that clouded his red eyes. "Well Edward I must admit as thrilled as we are with your unexpected visit we must ask why you suddenly decided to grace us with your most humble presence?" he voiced, ignoring my blunt question without second thought; I noted that he wasn't being sarcastic, but that he was genuinely excited.

He greeted me kindly and was sincerely curious about my "visit;" he perceived that I wanted to be in the guard. His thoughts were hard to read, they kept on jumping from different train of thoughts, and since I wasn't paying proper attention I didn't know what most of his random inner ramblings consisted of. Except one, he kept on skipping to the wish of shaking my hand. I was about to offer my hand just in agitation on his inconceivable wish. But instead centered my thoughts on him and delved into his mind. After listening to his insightful mind I could see that his special talent involved touching your victims skin. I became vaguely intrigued and tried to decipher his ability.

After touching a person he could read their history in their mind. I heard this through Caius. He had to touch the person, but he could see, and experience everything that that person has felt, and thought. I have never been more impressed with any vampires extra ability.

"Are you going to answer the question?" Caius asked, I decided immediately that he was the most sinister. His hair was so white that it almost glowed in the dimly lit room.

"I guess I really don't need to talk…" I confidently treaded up to the three vampires and their surrounding body guards intending to shake Aro's hand.

_Oh I hope Jane gets him!_

I stopped mid-stride, most of the thoughts that had erupted by my sudden movement were warnings about one particular vampire.

Jane.

I looked up and locked eyes with her. She was too young to have been changed when she was. She had a child's body with the devil's mind. All her thoughts and everyone else's thoughts for that matter were centered on her ability.

The ability to torture anyone within an inch of their lives, they would rather beg for death then feels the most unreal pain. Unreal —because the pain doesn't affect the body but completely resides in the mind. I noticed that the other guards gave her a wide birth.

As much as I wanted to die, I wasn't eager to test her patience and see if everyone was overreacting. I halted, raising my eyebrows. Everyone looked shocked, and Jane looked annoyed her face twisted, tempted to inflict the torture on me. I smiled.

"As much as I enjoy a good torture now and then, I'd prefer if we'd get this done quickly." I said dryly ignoring everyone's reactions but not missing Jane's eyes narrowing.

"Amazing!" Ago clapped; (actually clapped) he strode forward confidently and reached out his hand in a gesture of a handshake.

I easily took it, not feeling any guilt from the secrets I would surely reveal to him. In fact, I was actually glad that I could explain my hopeless situation without any further delay. Everyone in the room seemed to have held their breathe, as Aro leaned over my hand closing his eyes in concentration.

_I'll update soon!! Please Review! _


	5. Decision

_Hey guys, here's my latest chapter. Sorry, I've taken a little longer then I expected to update. But in a shameless attempt to promote my other stories, I urge you to check out my first love "Lost Memory" if you like this story you'll like this one so much more. _

_**Disclaimer: **__I don't own twilight, sad but true, neither do you. _

**Decision**

His eyes closed and his thoughts became mush, they were going to fast to catch. They slowed down for a half a second. And I saw the memory of when Bella's scent first crossed my nose, a lifetime ago in Biology class.

Then the thoughts became too rapid to decipher again, and I decided it was pointless to try and hear the thoughts in his mind, already knowing all my memories.

He pulled away, dropping his hand, after a couple of seconds and opened his strange eyes locking me in his bizarre gaze.

"I see," his tone sounded disappointed. But he was being careful with his thoughts, trying to keep me out. "This is a highly unusual request Edward." His face was in an expression of general kindness, trying to look comforting.

The room buzzed with everyone's curious thoughts.

I glared at him, examining in his thoughts, seeing that he thought I was being absurd and over-dramatic, (in his words.) I could already see his plan unfold in his mind, he couldn't help but let his mind wander and his excitement couldn't be curbed. But he knew I could see into his mind, and wanted desperately to reveal it to me, after I was calmed down, and when I was less "hysterical" I laughed out loud at this.

"Edward, I've felt your pain." He said putting a fatherly expression on his face, trying to calm me down. "And I assure you, this too will pass." I just glared at him seeing his pointless plan, to attempt to bring me to see reason. I already had other plans to go out to the city and greet my thirst.

His eyes twinkled, as if he knew what I was thinking. "But I assure you Edward; we will deliberate and give you a fair trial." He said his tone full of excitement again at the prospect of telling his family my most-unusual story. I rolled my eyes.

He smiled; as he spun on his heal and walked the few steps up to greet his waiting curious spectators. His thoughts were full of determination, I could see that he was impressed with my gift, and now he wanted me to join his guard. He thought the idea of killing me was highly laughable, and wasteful, he was already convinced that I would forget "the human" and live on happily as a prized member of his noble guard. But he would have to put it to a vote. And I had a feeling that maybe Marcus and Caius wouldn't agree in his assessment, and would probably greet my demand with the greatest amount of satisfaction.

Caius did not like me. He kept on imagining me thrown out or better yet, killed. Which was exactly what I wanted, so I don't think he would agree with Aro's clever idea of me joining their secret society.

Marcus was a little harder to decode, his thoughts were bored and apathetic. He didn't care about the trivial affairs of my mysterious arrival or requests. I felt pain as I heard his bored thoughts. He lost his will to live, and it was plain from the way he stared out in space thinking of no one besides his lost mate. He hasn't recovered, and over the centuries, turned into an unfeeling empty shell, that I was surly to become if I continued living.

"It seems that Edwards visit, is neither threatening nor concerning. He actually has a very unusual request of us." Aro spoke in a level tone.

Caius's eyes narrowed. "And what favor is this?" His voice boomed and echoed from the high walls. "And why would he think that we'd be so willing to grant him it?"

I clenched my jaw, and tightened my muscles, controlling my better instincts to attack.

Aro, whose back was to me, turned and met my eyes with amusement flashing in his, "Edward has fallen in love…" he said casually, as everyone's listening ears were finally granted with my secrets. "…with a weak human." He finished, turning to catch his audience's reactions to this scandalous news.

Shocked thoughts exploded in the air, and I suppressed them by gritting my teeth, resisting the urge to cover my ears.

"But…" Aro said sadly, enjoying the spotlight and everyone's undivided attention. "Like all human life, accidents happen and emotions sometimes get in the way of the natural instinct of survival. And Edward's poor beloved Bella took her own life in a dramatic reproduction of Romeo and Juliet. And poor Edward wishes to quench his guilt in return, by taking his own life." He finished.

No one saved any sympathy for me, instead laughter boomed out, and thoughts screamed in delight. This time I couldn't control my reflex, as my hands covered my aching ears seeking quiet.

Caius looked highly amused, but did not break his highly cultivated persona by uttering a laugh. Marcus however expressed interest in my story for the first time by bringing his gaze to rest on me; his thoughts were that of understanding.

My hands were still clenched tightly on my ears, and I knew I was running out of time. Aro put up his hand to signal quiet. I dropped my hands reluctantly.

_Weakness, pathetic, a human? Disgusting._

The room went dead quiet except for the irking thoughts that skittered and echoed in my head.

"We are to give Edward a fair trial and will look at his plead critically and seriously." Aro said, and then he nodded to Felix and Demetri.

I didn't need any guide.

But Felix and Demetri dutifully escorted me out of the dim room, to await their decision.

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_Please review. _


	6. When I'm Dead

_Sorry for not updating sooner, but nonetheless here's the next chapter._

_**Disclaimer: I don't own twilight. **__The poem used in this chapter is called "__**When I am dead" by Christina Rossetti**__ I take absolutely no credit for this poem._ **  
**

_**When I'm Dead**_

I don't know how long I waited. They brought me to a more comfortable room, something that didn't smell like an over perfumed flower shop, to await their decision. As soon as I entered the cold small room, I realized immediately why they insisted I stay here. The room was extremely dark with no furniture or windows; no sort of decoration, the only thing that resided in this dreary room was a tiny drain in the floor with rust lining the bars. I realized it was more of a holding place then a waiting room.

_Roomy isn't it?_

I spun to turn to the vampire whose face was twisted with spite and satisfaction, as he closed the metal door in my face. The echo from the door rung and repeated in the infinitesimal rooms walls, flying repeatedly back to my pounding ears. I lithely sat down on the wet putrid ground; my eyes dilated trying to adjust to the thick, velvety, blackness that hung in front of me.

I stared blankly, repressing my thoughts. Focusing on anything else besides the twisting guilt and torture that ate at my insides, feasting on any sane reason I had left.

I tried to focus and hear if the trial was in my favor. But I grasped immediately that this room was far from the trial, purposely to keep me from hearing anything. I growled angrily, only for my snarl to be thrown back in my face from the mocking walls.

Then she appeared, lighting the deathly room in a faint dim light. I looked up at her from my disgusting passive form, quiescent, rejected, and defeated on the ground. She kneeled in front of me, taking my face in her non-existent hands. I reveled in the sensation, as my entire body responded to her. Trying to take in her face, distorted with sadness, her smell was to faint, as if it were a memory trying to be drudged up, nothing compared to the real lost smell, but comforting just the same. Even though I knew it was just a memory, I basked in the moment. I looked up into her eyes reaching pointlessly, for her face. As soon as I blinked she was gone, taking the light she brought with her, only to leave me as I left her, broken. My hand still hung in the air still reaching for her; even though, she was never mine to have reached for.

My thoughts ran, frustration creeping up my spine. I could practically hear my family coming after me, with Alice in the charge. They wouldn't allow me to go through with this. 'Nothing can stop me' I thought sadly. I needed this done that much faster; I didn't want my family caught between me and the Volturi. Hopefully Alice will see this and stop them before they get into unnecessary trouble. I ground my teeth in frustration.

The door was lifted the sound it rang echoed throughout the room, ringing in my ears. Light spilled on my eyes blinding me from the silhouette that centered in the blinding light. I lifted my hand in an attempt to block the unwelcome beam.

The vampire who stood there looked smug and grossly inapt for this particular depressing setting. At first I thought it was Jane but I realized it was a boy who looked similar to her. Her twin, I cringed from the child's form, hating my existence.

His name was Alec; he was enjoying himself as he mockingly offered his hand to help me up. I glared at him, ignoring his hand, instead using the back of the damp brick wall to guide me up.

He was trying hard not to let his thoughts leak, given specific orders to deliver me quickly and without any passed information. He was trying to repress his facial expressions, and chanting a poem in his head.

**When I am dead, my dearest,  
Sing no sad songs for me:  
Plant thou no roses at my head,  
Nor shady cypress tree:  
Be the green grass above me&  
With showers and dewdrops wet;  
And if thou wilt, remember,  
And if thou wilt, forget. **

I shall not see the shadows,  
I shall not feel the rain;  
I shall not hear the nightingale  
Sing on, as if in pain;  
And dreaming through the twilight  
That doth not rise nor set,  
Haply I may remember,  
And haply may forget. 

The words played over and over in his head burning my ears. He was mocking me with his chosen poem and I could quite literally kill him.

We were slowly walking through the halls the words echoed, repeating and distorting. I couldn't take it, I grabbed his small shoulder spun him until he was pinned on the wall, and used my forearm to block his throat.

He was too shocked to create understandable speech.

"Shut. Up." I hissed, releasing him.

He made a show of glaring at me; he picked up his pace and delivered me to the waiting entourage.

I knew there decision even before the door shut behind me. Aro's excited expression gave them away.The 5 vampires stood waiting for me, all attempting to block their receding thoughts.

They were planning to hold me until I was placated; trying to make me 'see reason.' I glared in disgust.

Even before Aro opened his mouth to deliver his planned speech, the words already dosed my head. I closed my eyes in defeat, already making contingency plans. I realized immediately that I'd need to pretend enable to actually leave this loathsome place. I cringed, Aro would know immediately if I were lying.

They _would_ have to let me leave eventually. But how long would it take Carlisle and Alice to run here demanding to see me. I couldn't allow that, I had to do something despicably contrite enable to expose myself.

I would go hunting. That would be the fastest way for the Volturi to take my plea seriously. They couldn't allow me to live if I ran through the square in a massacre of supernatural unexplainable death.

I could even turn a few. I'd be able to kill at least 100 people before they'd be able to sufficiently stop me. I'd do it in the day time, at the busiest moment, with limitless victims. I cringed at the word. I would not think of them as human, but as something needed and definitely necessary if I wanted to die. I have never spilt innocent blood… could I do it now? I knew I was capable, but did I want to shame myself and my family so thoroughly, before I left this hell on earth?

I could always just show my strength and destroy the city. But they'd be able to stop me before I could create a real impact. I read their thoughts distractedly, they were definitely not letting me wander the city without a guard tailing me and watching my every move.

I balled my fists, as I read Aro's thoughts, he knew everything I was thinking and was one step ahead of me. It looked as though he knew I'd never be able to kill so many innocent people, he knew I couldn't do that to Carlisle. His face was smug as I shifted through his plans.

I took on his unspoken challenge, I wasn't defying Carlisle. I wasn't betraying anyone. The only one that I'd ever truly cared about is lost, she is the only one I betrayed the only one I have truly failed. I would do anything to see her again or to leave this torture of living, while she didn't exist. I would kill as many innocent people as possible to leave, and if by chance join her.

It was decided; even as I listened to the ramblings of the cursed vampires insisting that'd I would be happy in no time. That I would forget the human that only invaded my life for the shortest amount of time.

I pretended to listen nodding occasionally, but really creating a plan to escape as soon as possible, to invade the innocent city to aquatinted it, with my demon instincts.

_Get good karma and review. _


	7. Faceless Determination

_Hey readers this story is almost over… :(_

_One more chapter to go. I hope you've enjoyed tapping into my mind and seeing my perspective._

_Listen to: __Within You__: by __Ray Lamontagne_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own twilight, doi! (please dont sue me)**_**  
**

**Faceless Determination **

The cobbled streets echoed as my lithe feet touched against the ground. The sun was just rising over the horizon, the orange rays touching my face and warming my cold skin. The colour's of the sky slowly eroded from light yellow and faded pinks to the brilliant light blue that dominated the sky. I cringed, turning from the light and ran in the other direction.

The streets were just beginning to fill with life, the ancient sienna walls were dotted with red flags that look like flecks of blood that lined the street walls. People began to vaguely litter the roads. I retreated into the sanctuary of the dark. The shadows greeted me, wrapping me in a cloak of disguise hiding me for what I truly am.

I buried my head in my arms, picturing her was the only thing getting me through. Her face was blurred and distorted around the edge, her eyes a meek brown her face a pallid white. I blinked trying to clear the disturbing image, her eyes were glazed over and her mouth was opened, she was dead. I flinched clenching my head tighter, the pain scorched and burned at my insides.

I watched as a small car swerved cutting past a family as they were just about to cross the farther street. I vaguely debated if I should lift the car over my head, attracting as much attention as possible. I'd do it in the middle of a large crowd in the main square, where there was sure to be a crowd of innocent by-standers.

I filled my lungs; the warm blood of the family was dangerously close now. I could always take the easy way out and greet my thirst. That was sure to cause a sufficient amount of horrified reactions.

The mother furrowed her brow, tightening her grip on her daughter's hand; she bent down and pulled up her hood. The wind whipped viciously at them. The mother's concerned thoughts had her rushing her daughter to safety. The little girl looked back at me; her large eyes were a deep brown, her cheeks were chapped and red from the wind. She was wearing a red hood; two strings tightened the hood shut, creating a bow under her chin. Her long dark hair framed her face. She smiled waving her arm in greeting.

I averted my eyes. "I can't," I whispered to myself.

I could sense Demetri, his smell lingered and dosed the shadows I had taken cover in. They were conspicuously close, watching my every move and stalking my next turns.

I ignored him, glad that he had given me a wide enough berth so that I wouldn't be subjected to his tedious thoughts.

My plans changed, this automatically pulled my thoughts to Alice. She knew what I was doing; I hoped she was smart enough to stay away. She knew how much I loved Bella, she unquestionably doesn't agree with my decision, but she may just let it be, knowing that I could never exist in a world where Bella doesn't exist.

I watched a patch of light play on the walls, dancing in the dust and flickering from light to shadow. I remembered how much Bella loved the sun, her hair would turn a dark ember in the light, her eyes would transform, becoming brighter. Her entire face changed, her eyes would always flicker completely animated as she'd watch the rainbows that my skin formed. Her small touch tracing the glitter on my skin, her eyes wide and intrigued, no fear ever touched her perfect face.

The momentary heaven vanished, replaced with Bella's lifeless face, her eyes darker then I've ever seen. Sheathed in a dark blue dress that would usually bring out the pink undertones of her skin. But the colour clashed with her porcelain skin, managing to make her even more lifeless. Freesia dosed the atmosphere from where the tiny white flowers stacked around the casket where she lay. My stomach quenched turning from her, turning from everything.

A piece of paper skittered in front of me, twisting and jerking in the wind. I caught it in a fist pulling it to my face looking for anything to distract me. The Italian script twisted a smile on my distorted face. Today was the 19th the date completely slipped my mind, it didn't matter, but it was perfectly ironic.

The sun seemed to have brightened and the wind lashed at me ears. Today was Saint Marcus day, a festival to celebrate a Christian Missionary. The story claims that Farther Marcus drove all the vampires from Voltura nearly 15 hundred years ago. **(lol I know totally plagiarized from the book, please don't sue me!) **

The celebration was a foolish mockery, the Volturi took honor in this trivial affair, and it was their own personal victory. I wonder how mad they'd be if someone were to spoil there much anticipated accomplishment?

Demetir's smell heightened as the sun started to creep towards me. It was so simple. I smiled as I brought myself to my feet and retreated farther into the walls of the city, hiding from the light.

I needed the dramatic, to show people the supernatural without causing bloodshed or dishonor to my family. I'd keep it simple; I'd walk out into the sun. People would be horrified with the display. I knew how much Bella loved me in the sun; it would be a tribute for her, my last and final act.

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_I know it was short but if you review I magically can write faster (crazy right?)_


	8. Hope

_Hey guys so I lied, this isn't the last chapter but I hope you enjoy it just the same._

_The Scientist by Coldplay (one of the best songs in the world) so I suggest you listen to it. _

_(lol who else has their copy of The Host?)_

_**Disclaimer:**__ Mrs. Meyer owns all the characters, Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse and the plot that I have used. I really hope that no one will sue me (gulp) _

**Hope**

I glared at the sky determining when the sun would offer me its fullest and brightest advantage.

At noon.

I grimaced, it was barely ten. Could I wait that long…? I pulled my eyebrows together. I didn't want to risk a mistake.

Everything around me was blurred; images distorted in a grainy vision, barely moving as the sun slowly filled the sky.

I didn't care about anything, except my goal that tainted my tongue, so close that I could taste it. I couldn't form a functional thought, my head focused only on my end, not deeming to take in the surroundings or heed attention to the random insufferable thoughts dancing in the wind.

The only thing that existed was my last hope and the corpse that lay back in Forks.

I cringed drudging up the thoughts screaming and pulling at me. All the worst moments of my life played at me, repeating and skipping, spinning out of proportion to torture me with the pain it caused. Starting off with the last time I saw her, the day that I left her broken and crying on the forest ground. Tears pooling in her eyes as she tried to reach for me. How I was able to leave still remains a mystery to me. I started to shake, clutching at my head to keep it together, to keep myself from drawing out the inevitable anguish, whirling and ripping, tearing and eating my insides.

I could never be soothed; the pain shot up my throat and conquered my being, forever classifying me as weak and pathetic. Without her, I would always be lifeless, desolate, useless, a disgrace. And she was dead.

I would never see her again. I could never day-dream about our reunion, or her human life, perfect without my presence— that world I could exist in. But not this, anything but this, I felt sick still breathing in and out, tainting the air, when she no longer existed. Nothing in this world could ever compare to the agony that burned and loomed in my eternal hell.

I was hidden in the cloak of darkness a small alley offered me. Opening into the mouth of the alley cut the entrance to the main plaza. I had to get the biggest audience possible to create the most shocking impact. There needed to be many witnesses.

A large clock tower dominated the squares attention and conveniently the center of the square barely loomed before me, hardly ten strides away. Enough to place me in everyone's line of vision, making a large reaction before I'd be taken down. I smiled allowing the fantasy to play on my closed eyelids.

The sun beat heavily down on the square and a huge crowd already formed, as if in anticipation of my unknown revealing. People chattered and laughed, clothed in frumpy sweaters from the wind that ripped through the square. Necks were sheaved in red scarves, and the trend of the festival had a vampire theme.

Thoughts and prattle echoed at me, passing unnoticeably through my head. They were all meaningless. The guard was biding their time, still keeping a careful eye on me in case I tried anything, but they weren't worried. My feet twitched, it was closing in on 11:30. Did I really have to wait?

No.

The sun was harsh and the crowd was large, I could step out and end my tortured ecstasy right this minute. But something pulled at my head, barely elusive but growing strong, the tiniest gut reaction telling me to wait.

I backed farther in the shadows biding my time.

My head kept spinning trying to break through the fog that blocked the pain. Seeking and looking, running to find her in my corrupted mind. But all that appeared was the faint unreal memory of her smell. The dreamlike image of her smile, twisted in the slightest shock of edging, threatening pain. Her smell would twist and alter, fading as if a dying flower trying to hold on to its pedals.

I forced the thoughts from my mind, clenching my jaw.

Nothing could ever justify my decision to leave her; I'd never be able to pay back my debt._ I _left her. _I _killed her. The guilt and pain mounted. I couldn't bare it. I felt my legs carry me just to the edge of the arc. The curtain of light shimmered temptingly in front of me. I stretched a hand testing the invisible barrier that contained me, touching past the forbidden line that enabled me to pass. My hand wavered as my mind pulled me out of my delusion, inevitably causing my legs to flow backwards, back into the shadows. I could wait a little longer, just until noon. I reminded myself.

I dropped my head in my hands, waiting. The tiniest hope pulled at my subconscious guiding me and allowing me to live out this agony in silent torment. I prayed for the smallest measurement of pity. That before living out my eternal servitude as the demon I truly was, swimming in the darkest fires of hell where I belonged, that my hope may prevail. That god would show me his notorious mercy and open the gates to heaven the tiniest crack and allow me to peek in. Permitting me one last glimpse of Bella.

The world stopped. Everything around me stood in motionless tranquility and the only thing that echoed in the air was a far away click of a clock.

And then the world began again, everything hitting me in a rush.

The clock struck. I smiled basking as the sound waves hit me. I loosely tugged at my shirt and pulled it over my head dropping it to the ground.

I closed my eyes as the chime of the clock shook the earth. Everything around me disappeared. I was sucked into eternal nothingness, the blackness around me was dreamily comforting and it was as if everything was set right.

My brain finally focused, bringing Bella's face to me. Her large eyes sparkled and her cheeks were burning in a fresh dose of blood. Her smell was strong and intense and the feeling of her warmth wafted around me as the sun sparkled and played on my skin. The constant pain that held me captivated slowly guided me into unthinkable comfort. There was something beyond comprehension as I allowed the hope and selfish guilt rock me. The tiniest hope burnt inside me, inflaming my senses. I was going to see her again. I could feel it in every burning cell of my body as the clock stroke again. I felt my feet involuntarily take the first step towards the mouth of the alley.

"I love you Bella," I whispered pressing her closer so that her lips brushed mine. "I love you more," she said, against my lips. Before I had a chance to correct her she opened her mouth on mine and kissed me. Her fingers crawled up my arms and dove into my hair. She tightened her fists securing me to her, and I reciprocated. Opening my mouth with her insistent lips and allowing her to finally taste me. No boundaries existed anymore. Nothing existed anymore. Nothing but the second step that brought me further to my goal.

I slipped my hands from her waist up to her face and held her. Running my fingers over her burning skin and memorizing her face, for the last time. My fingertips tingled with the feel of her, even though she was as close as possible I held her tighter, trying to meld us into one so we could never be separated.

Something in the distance pulled at my head barely audibly but enough to pull at my thoughts. A signal, slowly hedging my feet to move another step.

I mindlessly identified it as the clock striking again, but something smaller, almost inaudible but still loud and persistent rang with the clock.

It was Bella; I could recognize her voice anywhere. I felt my lips turn up as I followed her perfect lost voice, slowly being drowned out from another ring that flared out around the square. I knew it was just my subconscious but it was enough to cause my feet to move and take the first final steps that would put me in the direct center of the sun, revealing me and our kind to the world.

Bella's voice died but the memory of her whisper still seared in my head her high and flowing scream shouting my name.

I squeezed my eyes shut and relaxed my muscles. I blocked out the thoughts still hanging desolate in the air, focusing on Bella. Her smile, her touch, her voice, her scent, her eyes. Everything that I was holding on to, kept in the back of my head, trying to hold off before it would slip, breaking past me and blaring through me, rupturing in a fire of bliss and pain, causing me to shake and wither. My life slipped in a last exhale. Her eyes seared behind mine, pain held in the dark chocolate depths. She screamed, pleaded, and begged me desperately to run and leave the light that started creeping up, warming my exposed chest. Where would I run Bella? I asked desperately. Not into the empty eternity of this world, without you? Impossible.

The warm sun kissed my face…

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_Hey lover-lys I know I suck it hard-core. I promise the next chapter will be up so soon (don't blink you might miss it!)_

_p.s. Do you think I captured Edward's agony sufficiently? Please let me know. _


	9. Bella

_Hey guys my longest chapter (be proud)_

_This is my least popular story but it was my favorite one to write. So I'm very sad it's over…_

_Thanks to all of you who stuck with it till the end, and I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. _

_Listen to: _

_Falling Slowly __by Glen Hansard & Marketa Irglova_

_I Will Follow You into the Dark__ by Death Cab for Cutie_

_(Go read The Host it is amazing)_

_**Disclaimer: Mrs. Meyer owns all. And I'm sorry in advance I'll obviously be using some of the original dialogue in New Moon. Please don't sue me!**_

**Bella**

The sky shone in a fire, dancing and lighting everything in brilliant light. Bella's face still filled my mind and I found myself stalling just before the curtain that separated fire and darkness, allowing her face to swirl in front of me, waiting for the final stroke of the clock that would claim my life.

It's as if time slowed down again. Everything moved in the tiniest fractions of a millisecond, allowing the last seconds of my extended life to wane and cling to the last image of her.

I anticipated the final stroke, letting the sound waves fill me in their magnitude of finality. The sound that would guide me and fulfill my desire, my death.

And then her voice rang in the air as another stroke dosed across the square. It was more distinct, almost hard, which made sense. She would never want me to take my own life. But I deserved far worse. I didn't heed attention to her obvious panic that was etched in every surface of the syllables she formed. I just allowed the feel of her voice, the sound of her heart, to capture my mind and finally serve me the tiniest peace. Her words didn't matter and I didn't notice the fractured hurt and appalling sense of realization stinging in the depths of her tone.

I allowed the smile that was pulling at the corners of my lips to stretch and play across my mouth. Another wave of sound broke across the world striking me to my very core. I opened my mouth whispering my final goodbye to her. Blissful as I said I was sorry, my final time, and took the last step that would put me directly in the burning sun.

The air around me heightened. The flavor and smells of the square all dispensed immediately as a much stronger and amazingly distinct, familiar, scent saturated my head, filling my mouth in venom.

And then I knew that I had died.

My sense all tightened, and simultaneously even before I opened my eyes to greet the light, I knew she was there.

Every cell in my body coiled as the stroke I had been expecting made contact with my solid chest. But it wasn't the blow of death that would attack and tackle me out of the light and away from everyone's horrified eyes. It wasn't nearly strong enough; it was almost the slightest tickle. It was the full force as a body came in contact with me.

My muscles and instincts didn't tighten out of natural threat but in a way that picked up my breathing and allowed all the insufferable pain to break through me in intense ecstasy as it finally deceased and ruptured out of my soul.

This all happened within a shadow of a second, I had no time to question or criticize the release of the pain. Let alone the impossible reality that Bella was the one who inflicted that stroke against my chest.

When her body slammed into mine, she arrested every practical sense I've ever accumulated, making my mind melt in tranquility. My hands involuntarily ensnared around her waist, capturing her. I intended to never let her go. She was solid, this wasn't another memory and as completely as impossible as it was, even before I opened my eyes I knew she was there, entirely real. Every cell in my body reacted to her, responding automatically to her scent that played in the air, as familiar as her heartbeat that was thumping fast and strong, causing adrenaline to spike and skip across her skin. I slowly opened my eyelids, my pupils quickly dilated into slits that perfectly repressed the sunlight that had momentarily blinded me.

There she stood; her hands fasted on my chest. Her heart thumped so hard and fast I could feel the vibrations radiating at me. My pupils quickly dilated wider as I tried to take in her entire perfect face, so familiar but so different. I let my eyes roam her greedily trying to dissect the change, it didn't matter.

Every thing was right. Even though we were both dead, we were together and heaven could be no more complete. Everything that I could ever want was now clutched in my unrelenting arms. It's as if everything clicked into place and the pain that was held within me vanquished, leaving a large whole that filled with Bella's scent.

"Amazing" I barely whispered, allowing myself to intake another gulp of the air perfumed with her scent. "Carlisle was right." I mused.

The second finally passed. And I still stood holding her, allowing every pore of her perfect skin to rememorize themselves back into my desolate brain. Her eyes were still the deep dark chocolate they always were and fire and passion burned in their centers. Her voice was barely a whisper but I allowed her words to penetrate my core, not heeding her words but basking in the perfect silkiness of her tone.

I gently lifted a hand to brush her cheek, lingering near the corner of her lips. Her lips were so close I could almost taste them, my mouth watered at the thought. Her face was blood stained. I filled my lungs relishing in the scent, quickly exhaling to inhale another fill. I'd never be able to get enough of her. I tightened my arms possessively around her, pulling her close to touch the soft skin of her forehead with my lips.

"I can't believe how quick it was. I didn't feel a thing—they're very good," I said civilly allowing some sort of penance for my harsh thoughts against the Volturi who had given me this heaven.

"_Death, that hath sucked thy honey of thy breath, hath had no power yet upon thy beauty_," I murmured the words against her skin. A smile played on my lips tingling with the scent that came off her. I closed my eyes filling my lungs with her in a sense of marvelation and a slight undertone of speculation. My throat burned with the tiniest desire to bend my lips to her throat and greet the thirst that I hadn't met in nearly five months, or was it longer then that? But the desire held no expectation of fulfillment and the usual painful sensation at my elapsed restraint was nonexistent.

"You smell just exactly the same as always," I mused softly but coherently enough for her ears to hear. "So maybe this _is_ hell. I don't care. I'll take it."

I dragged my lips along her forehead tightening my hold firmer around her, the tightest I could possibly hold without causing her injury, refusing to ever let her go. And that's when the realization hit. I _was _still a vampire and judging from the shortness of breath emitting from Bella and the way her heart was pounding hard and fast in my ears, she _was _still human. But his could never be hell, in fact, it was perfect and all the exquisite detail that loomed before me captured in my hold. Bella could never be in my personal hell, because my hell was our separation…

"I'm not dead," Bella said interrupting my reverie, confusion in her tone. Her breath catching for a second as if in comprehension. "And neither are you!" her eyes burned and my melted brain could barely make her quick words into a junction. "Please Edward, we have to move. They can't be far away!"

She struggled, her arms moving across my chest to hold feebly onto my arms trying to move my solid grip around her waist.

I felt my eyebrows furrow, her words didn't make sense. A tiny pull at my gut sent a short and obvious jolt of trepidation up my spine. "What was that?" I asked as politely as I could, trying not to be rude or contradicting.

"We're not dead, not yet! But we have to get out of here before the Volturi—"

Simultaneously as Bella spoke my muscles coiled, the sense of apprehension tightening and causing all my instincts to stand up on end. Bella's words transferred through my brain and as she spoke, another vibrantly clear thought rang across the alleyway, echoing off the walls as the voice hauntingly swirled in my face. The voice of the guard, finally making themselves known, expectantly waiting for my life.

My instincts guided me as I grabbed Bella's arm and swung her farther into the shadows of the alley. I placed her against the brick of the alley wall and secured her there, before spinning to put myself before her and the two vampires that began to creep up the passage of the ally. I stretched my arms out in a clear protective stance; there was no way I would allow Bella to die.

Bella's hot breath bathed the back of my neck her heart beat so loud and hard that it echoed around the alley walls.

I could taste the adrenaline emitting from her. How could I do this to her? I barely had a chance to understand the inconceivable circumstances that placed us in this horrifying situation. But I knew without a doubt that it was my fault. Bella was clearly not dead and out of my selfish melodramatic episode, put her in the middle of the Volturi's very interested eyes.

The guard slowly crept towards us, their presence causing Bella's heart to throttle. I could feel my newly elapsed pain begin to seethe back over me. I may not have had a chance to kill Bella in the first place, but judging from the current hopeless situation, I knew that we'd have no chance of survival.

No! The pain seared unbearably, as this thought lingered in my head, so hopeless and final.

I would do everything in my power; I would not forfeit her as I had in Forks. I would never make that decision again. Bella would live, even if it meant I had to die, that was meaningless. I did not care about me, but the human that breathed and shuddered behind me. Maybe this time I'll get a chance to say goodbye.

Felix's face slowly melded in the darkness revealing his smug expression and amused eyes.

_Ahh, this must be Bella. _

The thought swirled in the desolate bleak air.

* * *

**The end**.

_(Or just really page 453 of New moon.)_

* * *

_Please tell me if you liked it. I know I'm barely scratching the surface of Edwards pain, I hope I did him justice._

_Also if you guys have any suggestions for me please feel free to tell me, I don't judge and appreciate the help. Thanks again for reading. I love you all._

_-Nicki_


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